Off to the Spotlight Awards soon. I’ll take today slowly and see how it goes, I guess. I’m terrified of being around all these people for lunch. And they’ll notice how disgustingly bloated I am, too. The whole theater will notice.
Tomorrow are the Spotlight Awards, aka the local high school Tonys.
Gonna get up on stage with the rest of the Oklahoma cast and whore ourselves out for applause.
Not that I don’t love it.
I’m tired. And I feel weak. And I’m afraid I’ll pass out on stage tomorrow if I don’t eat a moderate amount. But I feel so fat. I can’t. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow.
Time to go to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow, shove my fat self into a little pair of skinny jeans, and try and look presentable.
eat like a normal person. without hating myself afterwards. without panicking over how much calories there are in a big apple. without feeling my fat rolls get bigger every time i eat. without having to run to the mirror afterwards to check if my hipbones are still there. why can’t i just eat? why can’t i just act like a normal human being?
